Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
