OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
