Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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