you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
