just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
