I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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