hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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