I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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