if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
