Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
