you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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