Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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