I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
