I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
