You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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