What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I die, sorry about rent.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
