I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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