I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
