It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
