A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
