Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
