Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
