I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
