I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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