Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
