I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
