I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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