tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
