Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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