Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
