Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
