I'm so fucking centered right now
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
