Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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