Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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