You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
