I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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