you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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