What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
