Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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