If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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