do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
