but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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