It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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