Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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