too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
