All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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