PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
