i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
