the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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