you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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