I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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