do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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