what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
