this just has baby written all over it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
