so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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