glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
