I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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