I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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