260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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