Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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