You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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