if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
