watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
