i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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