If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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