I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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