ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
