How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im six kinds of drunk right now
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
