Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
