Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
