We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
