its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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