You don't have asthma, your pregnant
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize