He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
