the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
