We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
