what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
