It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
