Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ketchup is God's man juice
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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