I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
