i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize