I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
