In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
