well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
