And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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